“The Strength of Surrender”

You’re on a packed airplane. Every seat is full. The air feels heavy. People are shoving bags into overhead bins, settling in, sighing because the flight is already delayed. You can almost feel the tension humming in the air.

The engines start. The lights dim. The seatbelt sign dings. You reach cruising altitude. And then it happens.

A woman in the middle row gently taps the button and leans her seat back—maybe two, three inches. Nothing dramatic. She’s probably thinking, “Long flight… might as well get comfortable.”

But the man behind her stiffens. He pushes the seat forward. She thinks it was accidental. She reclines again. Then he shoves it harder, this time with both hands.

Voices rise. Passengers turn. Phones come out recording. Flight attendants rush over. Within minutes, the pilot is announcing an unexpected landing because two strangers couldn’t agree on three inches of space. This seems crazy but this exact thing unfolded on a flight in 2018. A flight crew member later said, “It wasn’t about the seat. It was about pride. Neither person was going to give an inch.”

Most conflicts in life don’t begin with huge problems; they begin with tiny desires that collide with someone else’s. It happens even in the body of Christ. Pride rises, tempers flare, and we find ourselves fighting a battle that we have no business fighting. James knows about this; he has seen this happen in the body of Christ, and he says real faith does not act this way.

Throughout this letter, James has been showing us what real faith looks like. Real faith isn’t just something we claim; it’s something that shows up in the way we live.

And today, in James 4:1–10, James goes straight to the heart of another everyday struggle: the struggle of submission and humility. The battle of our own way versus God’s way.

James sees the believers he is writing to losing this battle and giving into to their desires. This still happens today. In James 4:1-10, James says we must humble ourselves before God instead of fighting for our own way. That is our main truth for today:

Real faith humbles itself before God instead of fighting for its own way.

At the end of chapter 3, James says the wisdom of the world leads to ruin and we do not want to chase that. The wisdom of the world says figure out what you want and do whatever you have to do to get your desire. James says that wisdom is not from God. He starts out chapter 4 showing that chasing earthly wisdom leads to all kinds of problems.

Living by worldly wisdom still leads to all kinds of problems today, and my fear is that many who claim to have faith in Christ are chasing wordily wisdom and that many believers are fighting for their own way instead of humbling themselves before God. As believers, we must understand that there is a spiritual battle going on. To live for the world and to live for Christ, and when we follow the world, conflict happens.

To stay out of this conflict, we must know where the conflict comes from. Apparently, the believers that James was writing to were having some conflict. James wants them to understand the root of their conflict.

James 4:1a - What causes fights and quarrels among you?

James starts here with a rhetorical question; rhetorical questions challenge us to think about answers we might give. Here James says, “What causes fights and quarrels among you?”

As the people he is writing to reflect on this, they were probably tempted to answer that question by pointing to their opponents. Just like we may be tempted to say well I’m in a conflict with my spouse because they just won’t listen. Or when something happens with a fellow believer, and someone asks what happened, we usually start with well, they. But James isn’t going to let the blame game go.

James 4:1b - Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?

James says, where do these conflicts come from? They come from our desires that we battle. Did James really just say that? Is James saying that many conflicts in the body of Christ stem from pride and selfishness? Is James saying that in a conflict, I could be the problem? Yes, he is.

The problem isn’t out there, the problem isn’t who we are in a conflict with the problem is what’s in here. When our desires rule us, peace leaves us. The word desire means something we deeply long for or have our heart set upon. In the New Testament, this word can be positive or negative; here, James uses it in the negative sense. Many times, what we want drives us to act in ways that go against the faith we profess.

We have to understand where conflict comes from.

1) Conflict comes from competing desires

Conflict stems from placing what we want over how God calls us to live. When our desires, wants, and pride go unchecked, we act in ways that hurt people, hurt our witness, and cause us to sin.

James 4:2- 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 

Conflict comes from our desires, and sometimes we want something so bad that we are willing to hurt others to get it. We are willing to do whatever it takes to get what we want. James focuses on the damage this can cause. The problem is not the desire itself, but the dwelling or acting on it in improper ways.

Anger and animosity lead to hatred and conflict. James isn’t saying these believers were literally killing people. He’s using the same strong moral language Jesus uses in Matthew 5:21–22, where anger and hatred are treated as the heart-level equivalent of murder. In other words, uncontrolled desires can “kill” relationships, unity, and peace, because our cravings drive us to hurt others to get what we want.

James is showing how desire turns into envy, envy turns into coveting, and coveting turns into conflict. When we let our cravings run the show, whether it’s craving control, approval, possessions, or attention, we end up “killing” something: killing peace, killing trust, killing unity, killing relationships. Proverbs 14:30 says, “Envy rots the bones,” and Galatians 5:15 warns that if we “bite and devour each other,” we will destroy each other.

In our faith in Christ, there is no room for this kind of behavior in the body of Christ. Know the source of conflict, it comes from our desires. We must be sure our desires are in check. How do we do that?

James 4:2b “You do not have because you do not ask God.”

How do we keep our desires in check? We take them to the Lord. Often, our desires turn to conflict because we never take them to the Lord; instead, we try to handle it ourselves. We try to work hard, push through, force what we want, or manipulate others to get what we want, rather than humbling ourselves and praying to God. If it is a desire that you don’t want to take to God its probably not something you need.

Psalm 37:4 - Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4 doesn’t mean God gives us everything we want, it means when we truly delight in Him, He reshapes what we desire. If we have a personal relationship with Christ, our desires will reflect him, and then instead of relying on ourselves, we take it to him.

Look what James says in verse 3:

James 4:3 - When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

James is exposing something painfully honest: it’s possible to pray and still be driven by selfish desire. It’s possible to say the right words but want the wrong things. It’s possible to ask God for something that would pull our hearts further from Him.

So James is saying, “If you want to check your desires, start by checking your prayers.” Are we praying for God’s will — or for God to bless our will? Are we asking God to change our hearts — or to grant what our hearts crave? Are our motives shaped by God’s glory — or our comfort, our control, our recognition?

That’s how you check your desires. You take them to God honestly. You let Him sift them. You let Him redirect them. Because when our desires are surrendered to Him, our conflicts lose their fuel.

Before pointing the finger outward, look inward. Ask, “What am I wanting right now that matters more to me than honoring God?” Real faith brings desires to the Lord, lets Him reshape them, and refuses to let pride, envy, or selfish motives steer the heart.

It’s like carrying a bucket full of water down a gravel road in a truck. Every bump and step causes some to spill out. The bumps didn’t create the water — they just revealed what was already inside the bucket.

Conflict works the same way: it doesn’t create our desires; it simply reveals what’s already ruling our hearts. If the bucket is filled with pride, envy, or selfish wants, that’s what spills out. But when we humble ourselves and trust God with our desires, what spills out is patience, humility, and peace.

Real faith understands where conflict comes from: it starts in our desires, and it shapes how we treat the people around us. But James wants us to see something even deeper: when our desires are out of order, it doesn’t just damage relationships with others…it damages our relationship with God.

2) Divided loyalty destroys peace

James 4:4-6 - You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us? 6 But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:

“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”

Being a friend of the world causes us to be an enemy of God. What stands between us and seeing God’s power and experiencing his blessing? Divided loyalty. James is writing to believers in Christ, and look at what he calls them in verse, 4. He calls them adulterous people. Adulterous means unfaithful. James is saying you are being unfaithful to God, by chasing your desires. By living for this world (friendship) you are being unfaithful to God.

We cannot devote ourselves to God and the world at the same time. If we choose to make friends with the world, we also choose to hurt our relationship with God. We cannot serve two masters (Matt 6:24). Being a frenemy of God is not an option.

James is writing to those who have faith, and he continues to call them brothers and sisters. We have no evidence that James’s readers were overtly preaching against God or consciously deciding to follow the world, but their tendency to imitate the world by discriminating against people (2:1–13), by speaking negatively of others (3:1–12), by exhibiting “bitter envy” and “selfish ambition” (3:13–18), and by pursuing their own destructive pleasures (4:1–3) that is exactly what they are doing. They are living like the world around them, instead of living out the faith they profess.

These believers didn’t wake up one day and say I want to be an enemy of God, but over time their friendship with the world grew. They weren’t allowing their minds to be renewed; they may have been trying to be all things to all people. They weren’t living in a way where the faith they professed changed their actions. The decisions they were making were causing them to be unfaithful to God. James is calling them to repent.

James 4:4-10 is one of the most strongly worded calls to repent that we find anywhere in the New Testament.

James 4:4-10 - You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us? 6 But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:

“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

James is calling the believers to repent from their selfish way of living and to turn back to God. To stop chasing after this world and their own desires and humbly follow the Lord. What stood between them and God still stands between us and God, and that is divided allegiance.

We look at this letter and we think, “How could Christians be divided? How could they look down on the poor? How could they not control their speech?” But the truth is, many of us read the Bible as if it’s only words on a page, instead of a mirror that reflects our lives or a light that exposes what’s in the dark. Because when we’re honest, we still do the same things today.

We are so immersed in the world that I’m afraid many believers are in real spiritual danger. The church in America is deeply shaped by the world, and Christians in America are often shaped far more by culture than by Christ.

Just look around:

· Average church attendance is less than twice a month.

· Biblical literacy is at an all-time low.

· Over 90% of Evangelical Christians have never shared their faith with anyone.

· Service in the body of Christ continues to decline.

· Affirmation of sin is at an all-time high.

· Idols are everywhere—sports, politics, money, comfort.

· And instead of praying for God to change us, we mostly pray for God to make life easier.

James looks at all of this and uses one of the strongest words to describe it: Adulterous.

He’s not talking about physical adultery; he’s talking about spiritual adultery. When we give the world our loyalty, our affection, our priorities, and our desires, we are being unfaithful to the God who redeemed us. Wrong desires lead to wrong allegiance, and wrong allegiance breaks fellowship with God.

James’s words here are shocking: adulterous people. Unfaithful to the One who saved us. And this is where we must lift our eyes to the gospel, because conviction without Christ leads to despair.

2 Corinthians 5:21 tells us, “God made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.” Jesus didn’t become sin for us so we could keep living like people who don’t know Him. Jesus didn’t die to make us new so we could go right back to old patterns. He didn’t purchase us with His blood so we could stay married to the world.

But church… many of us — and many in the American church — are doing exactly what James warns about. We’re not just slipping. We’re flirting with the world. We’re entertained by the world. We’re shaped by the world. We’re friends of the world.

And it shows.

· We aren’t concerned that our neighbor is heading for eternity without Christ, but we’re jealous of the new car in their driveway.

· We pour thousands of dollars and endless hours into our kids’ activities, but invest almost nothing into their spiritual formation.

· Our houses are full of stuff, yet somehow we have no room to help people in need.

· We have Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and TikTok to say “look at me,” but we won’t lift a finger to help someone look to Jesus.

· We schedule the lake, the golf course, the deer stand, the salon — but say we’re too busy to serve or meet needs.

· We don’t want a church that preaches the Word; we want a church that tells us what we already believe — that “my truth” is enough and God just wants me to be happy.

Church, that is spiritual adultery. We are trying to have our cake and eat it too. We want the blessings of God while living in friendship with the world. But Jesus said you cannot serve two masters. God says He is a jealousGod — not jealous like us, but jealous in perfect love and covenant loyalty.

He will not share your heart with the world. He will not bless your rebellion. He will not affirm your idols. He will not ignore your divided loyalty.

And James does not soften it.

He says: We must repent. Not “consider it.” Not “think about changing.” Not “maybe someday.” We must repent.

Repentance is seeing our unfaithfulness for what it is and turning. Turning from the world, turning from our idols, turning from our pride, turning from our sin, and coming back to God in humble obedience.

Real faith doesn’t stay at war with God. Real faith returns to Him. Real faith surrenders. Real faith bows.

To give got everything and to not have friendship with the world or competing desires comes down to humility.

James 4:7-10 - Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

Church, we must submit ourselves to God. To submit to God means to place ourselves under his lordship, and therefore to commit ourselves to obey him in all things. These verses contain a series of commands that flow from Proverbs 3:34. These verses not only call us to repent, they show us how to live.

Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. (7b)

- This means to stand against the devil’s deceptions and his efforts to intimidate. As we resist the devil, we are promised that he will flee from us.

Come near to God and he will come near to you. (8a)

- Seek him, pray to him, study his word, worship him, gather with his people. Obey him

Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. (v. 8b)

- As we draw near to God, we will be convicted of our sin. Once we see our sin, we are to turn from it, ask God for forgiveness and flee from what we know is wrong.

Grieve, mourn, and wail. (v. 9a)

- This is an emotional response to our sinfulness. True believers, those who claim to believe God and who have received His loving gift of salvation, ought to feel shame and sadness over their sins, at least temporarily. If we have been destructively living only for ourselves, realizing this should make us sad. We should be provoked to grieve the lost hours, days, and years spent in pursuit of worthless things.

The final command in this paragraph is, humble yourselves before the Lord.

3) Humility restores what pride destroys.

Humility means to recognize our own spiritual poverty, to acknowledge our desperate need for God’s help, and to submit to his commanding will for our lives. As we humble ourselves, God will lift us up, because God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. It is our duty to repent when we disobey God, but there are beautiful blessings when we do.

Pursuing our pleasures rather than God is the root of conflict and quarrels. But as we choose to humble ourselves and draw near to God, we can expect him to draw near to us, and the devil to flee. Our choices determine the outcome; which path will you choose?

We began this morning on an airplane. A cramped cabin. A delayed flight. Two strangers. Three inches of space. But that story wasn’t really about reclining seats; it was about the human heart. There is a battle daily happening in our hearts. Will we follow God or follow the world. Will we shove God out of the way to do what we want?

Real faith humbles itself before God instead of fighting for its own way.

James turns the mirror toward our souls and makes us ponder:

“Are my desires ruling me?” “Is my loyalty divided?” “Am I flirting with the world?” “Am I acting like God is optional?”

If we are living in this way, James says: “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up.”

So church, the question is not whether God will respond. The question is whether we will. Will we keep fighting for our own way? Or will we finally surrender? Will we keep clinging to the world? Or will we draw near to God? Will we keep making excuses? Or will we repent? Will you humbly submit to God?